Monday, October 17, 2005

New Article

An Open Letter to Mike Tyson

Frank Hoffman returns from hiatus with a simple quest: Save Mike Tyson. Granted, perhaps he could have started this quest before the rape conviction, or Robin Givens, or the ear thing. But it's better late than never. So he has decided to publish a letter to Mr. Tyson detailing a triumphant comeback that won't involve him boxing three midgets at once on FOX.

Enjoy it, douchebags.

4 comments:

Monkey said...

If Mike Tyson will be fighting chimpanzees, I recommend this fine candidate.

Zutluvip said...

The wolverine totally got shafted in that seeding. He eats reindeer and moose, for crying out load. You think a friggin' red kangaroo could take down a moose?

Sure, send him up against the bear first and he's finished, but put him in the 5 or 6 seed and see what happens. With the confidence of some early victories, he could go all the way.

word ver: zhzktsxy - a short-lived but extrememly attractive Soviet leader from the 60's

slappy said...

The Selection Committee tried to take boxing/mixed martial arts skills into account for the tournament, rather than general hunting prowess.

Besides, a 30 kg wolverine downing a 600 kg moose? Sounds like Michigan propaganda to me...

Zutluvip said...

I wasn't going to continue the discussion, but I couldn't pass up this word ver:

nfishsoy

is made from people! Er...mermaids! The "n" is probably for natto, so this is some new Japanese imitation-fish product.

Anyways, I can't deny a slight Michigan bias, but the strength and ferocity count for a lot. The kangaroo might have the edge in kickboxing, but the wolverine is all about grappling. Once he gets inside arm's length, it's over.