Monday, October 31, 2005

My Halloween Wish


I wear a doctor's costume every Halloween. This costume has a toy stethoscope accessory. My Halloween wish is that some attractive young woman will ask me to check her heartrate with this stethoscope and I will be able to cop a feel.

If I had two Halloween wishes, my second wish would be for all the children of the world to sing in perfect harmony.

17 comments:

slappy said...

What if you had three Halloween wishes? I would want a PB Max. Those candy bars were awesome.

Booty J Patrol said...

I'm so glad you found a demo picture, otherwise I would have had no idea what you are talking about.

jiggs said...

I kinda want one of them rocky road bars.

Last night I made a caramel apple, though. It was awesome. I made it three layers. one caramel layer, one chocolate layer and then another caramel layer. It was so thick I couldn't bite through it hardly.

I had a sugar high for like two hours afterwards, and then I nearly killed myself in the sugar low.

Melliferous Pants said...

My Halloween wish is for every child in the world to have a Coke. Harmony is overrated.

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs, you can check my heart rate any time!

jiggs said...

Did it suddenly get warm in here? I think it happened after Lee Ann's comment!

slappy said...

But Pants, if you buy every kid a Coke, they'll start singing in perfect harmony. And it'll probably be that "I'd like to teach the world to chill" bullshit.

That's why I'd like to buy every kid an RC Cola.

Booty J Patrol said...

Perhaps y'all would like to give each kid a comic depicting why halloween is the devil's night and everyone must embrace Jesus.

Spinning Girl said...

Come to think of it, I DO have a little bit of chest pain....

it might just be acute angina.

jiggs said...

Spinning Girl and Lee Ann are making this into a very delicious thread. Check ups for everyone!

I'm not a doctor, but I do play one on Halloween.

Melliferous Pants said...

I retract my coke comment, it'd be more satisfying to punch every kid in the face.

Ɯbermilf said...

Jiggs, the type of woman that needs her heart rate check is usually not young and shapely, but getting on in years and has high blood pressure.

Perhaps you should adopt an approach more apt to apply to young ladies, like tatoo inspector.

jiggs said...

Mrs. Milf:

Previous years I've tried to be a Federal Bikini Inspector and once I was a Canadian Beaver Hunter, but neither costume resulted in me copping a cheap feel.

Perhaps there's something wrong with my delivery.

jiggs said...

I think I know what's wrong: I've got to stop wetting myself every time I see a woman.

Monica said...

Dear Dr, Jiggs.

My heart races each time I view your avatar. Check it for me?

jiggs said...

Dear Monica:

Next time I get out to Michigan, I'll bring my stethoscope.

And to all the ladies that have offered their heartrates to me: Thanks for making this thread all tingly, like when I climbed the rope in gym class.

Melliferous Pants said...

Federal Bikini Inspector is a sure fire way to get two black eyes, right up there with Freelance Gynecologist.