Friday, October 28, 2005

I've been tagged, douchebags

The beautiful and sexy Lee Ann tagged me. And here are my answers:

Seven things I want to do before I die:
1. Pride
2. Envy
3. Gluttony
4. Lust
5. Anger
6. Greed
7. Sloth

Seven things I can do (Skills Napoleon):
1. Wield my massive gravitas for good (and possibly evil)
2. Make people feel uncomfortable
3. Indulge my innately human desire to destroy
4. Act as my own Buddha
5. A killer impression of monkey
6. Cockblock
7. Be a huge douchebag

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Control my urges
2. Suck my own wang
3. Make a yaz record
4. Eat at a cowboy-pirate-beef-shack
5. Sell my jewel encrusted bullhorn
6. Enjoy Carson Daly's talkshow
7. Soccer moms (or do I...)

Ten things I say a lot:
1. That's what you get!
2. MY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT IS REAL!
3. You're the captain of your own destiny.
4. Suck it, douchebags.
5. I'm not crazy! INSTITUTION! You're the one that's crazy! INSTITUTION!
6. Fucked her? I haven't even met her!
7. ZING!
8. That's what she said!
9. OH SNAP!
10. I am my own Buddha

Seven things I find attractive in a lady:
1. Big intellect
2. Big sense of humor
3. Big laughter
4. Big smile
5. Tits (I think this counts as two.)
7. A round rearend

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. Mythbusters chick
2. Meg White
3. Monkey and Calzone (they're quite a pair!)
4. Selma Blair
5. Sarah Silverman
6. The Donnas (again I'm counting all four as a single entity)
7. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Seven random people who have to do this next:
Whoever wants to be tagged, consider yourself tagged, douchebags.

17 comments:

Fred said...

i fucking hate being tagged you bastard. im pissed i wasnt on your list you cockbashing butt licker.

in other news, i woke up today and was suffering extreme chest pains. i thought i was going to die or my lung had collapsed. i fucking hate my lungs. anyways, en route to work (which i was 30 mins late for btw) on the tube i decided to distract myself from the excruciating pain by playing computer games, so i hunched over and i felt a click, and the pain had gone. How can that fucknut Jack Thompson slam games when they cured my collapsed lung?

larin von smartass said...

jiggs: yes, the famed skill of "cockblocking"... can be used for good or evil and a must-have at any soiree...
and i will NOT be tagged thank you... stupid tagging.
buddhas are nifty

fred: hmm, a "click"... as far as i know, and this is just from 2 semesters of bio--i aint no dr., nothing in your lungs should be clicking. did you inhale a bomb maybe?

The Husband said...

suck my own wang
buddha
zing

all great answers.

Fred said...

i dunno, but it scared the hell out of me. it must have been crap of a knot in one of the muscles around the rib box area.

all i know is my psp saved my life. god bless the psp.

Fred said...

i said crap, but i meant cramp. i fucking hate cramp, it serves no purpose excet to give sportsmen an excuse to lie down. those lazy motherfucking bastards! i fucking hate sportsmen.

Lee Ann said...

Hey Jiggs ~ very good! Yes, they do count as two! Haha
Have a great weekend...

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs ~ HELP! Zing me here at work...I am so sleepy, I need to wake up!

allison said...

Fred- 2 things....1- don't talk to me about cramps. sometimes i get them so bad that i can't walk.
2- get that damn cat back in your profile picture!! that's one cute cat.

allison said...

WAKE UP LEEANN! SEND SOMEONE TO GET YOU A RED BULL. OR IF YOU WANT TO BE AWAKE FOR 48 HOURS GET A RIPPED FORCE THERMOGENIC DRINK. (GNC)

WHY AM I SCREAMING???

jiggs said...

Wait, fred, what the hell are you talking about. Your lung pain must be addling your mind.

LVS: You bastard. Not letting yourself me tagged.

Carl: thanks dude

Fred: You've got a PSP. That's cool. Seriously, everytime I hear about your life I get envious.

Lee Ann: I'm not sure what you mean by zing you at work. I'll see what I can do.

AP: You're very enthusiastic today. What's up?

jiggs said...

AP: is your capslock key broken like mine is when I'm screaming?

allison said...

the worst part is that i didn't have it on caps......i actually held the shift key the entire time.

i'm losing my mind.

now i'm whispering. i just can't seem to get it right today.

jiggs said...

I think you're in pretty good shape AP. Whenever I feel a little out of sorts, I sit back and pop open a cold one and do a little Milwaukee style meditation.

The Husband said...

AP...do you take the Ripped Fuel drinks on a regular basis? word to the wise...don't snort vivarin....it stings like hell.

allison said...

spacks- yes...i drink them on a daily basis. i've never snorted anything in my life.....actually I used Afrin once and about 30 seconds later i got the worst taste in the back of my throat. it was pretty traumatizing

jiggs said...

AP: this story is amusing because it's so tangentially related to what carl said.

I'm always amused when the comments on a post stray so far from the topic of the post.

TastyMcJ said...

I used to get the sweaty meat-bag with a side of hot beef injection at the cowboy-pirate-beef-shack back in the day all the time.

It's their signature meal!