Monday, October 17, 2005

I'm back y'all

Not that anyone seems to have noticed that I was missing for the last four days… No matter – as a geek, I’m used to going unnoticed. As it turns out, I was visiting Slappy. Here is a picture of the two of us:

Slappy is the one with the prehensile toes.

Anyway, the reason I was in Boston was for a business conference, but we’ll get to the later. Let's start at the beginning. I arrived in Boston on a Thursday morning at the airport and got on the T to go to Cambridge, where I would be staying. I immediately noticed three things:

  • Most of the people on public transit in the morning are still asleep
  • No one has an iPod
  • There are no Asian people in Boston

I then got off the train in Cambridge (at Harvard Square) and noticed a stark difference:

  • A lot of people have iPods
  • There are Asian people.
  • (Everyone still seems to be asleep)

As I walked around I came to the realization that Harvard must have some wired affirmative action policy in an attempt to fight Asian stereotypes, because all of the said Asian people were about 5’7” or taller, including the women. At this point you may be asking if I have an Asian fetish. The answer is yes. But I like all women, so don't worry you oh so sexy girls of other races.

As I consorted with the various people around, I also found out something that Conan O’Brien has made abundantly clear: Harvard students are self-deprecating, self-conscience and in constant fear of taking even the slightest of intellectual missteps. The ones who are currently students feel that if they make a mistake, people will immediately think they are not worthy of the school, and the graduates worry that they will profane the name of the school through their mistakes.

The other thing near Harvard was this poor kid who couldn’t have been more than about 12 years old. He looked as if he was on his way to a school of some sort that he was not interested in going to, because he had on a tie as wide as his hips that went down to his knees but was only cinched up to about his chest; a button down shirt that was un-tucked and also to his knees, and a bookbag that was so overloaded he had to use its wheels and carry it like a roller-bag.

On Saturday I went to my conference, and collected some choice quotes:

  • “Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to math.”
  • “A metaphor is a function applied to data of the wrong type.”
  • ”You don’t need your health as long as you have your gadgets”
    --Steve Wozniak, Co-Founder of Apple Computer
  • “Halitosis is better than no breath at all.”
  • ”Venture capitalists are either the agents of Satan, or very clumsy rapists. Okay, they’re not agents of Satan.”

In conclusion, because I’m sure you’re bored of reading this, I’d just like to thank Slappy for putting me up for four days, even if he couldn’t stop the rain.

Thank you for listening, comment away.


Calzone said...

dude...are you telling me that someone actually said its better to have halitosis then no breath at all?

Booty J Patrol said...

Yes, that is a real quote from a real person. I believe he was a Venture Capitolist. They're a wierd bunch.

Friends of McDougal said...

oh fuck

you were at startup school

I wish I'd known.

I'm selling my company.

Friends of McDougal said...

Why did they try to stop you from bringing coffee into the lecture hall?

And why were there no places to plug in computers?

Right on with the quote from the Ga. Tech guy, too. I missed it, but heard it attributed to him.

Booty J Patrol said...

We're you there, or following it on the web?

They didn't let people bring in coffee because they were being morons and spilling it.

There were no places to plug in because the building is old. However, a lot of cool people had extention cords and power strips, so most of us got the power we need.

jiggs said...

Toe shots. I don't care for them.

slappy said...

Cute, Jiggs. I don't think you've mentioned it yet on the blog, but you are the Treasurer of the Foot Fetishists of America (FFA), right?

jiggs said...

I do like men's feet, but I don't care for pictures of men's feet apart from my own. But when it comes to loving my own feet, I'm not near as big a freak as this guy.

Lee Ann said...

hmmmm....feet! Well, welcome back!

Alistair! said...

calzone: Just c's you have terminal halitosis ther's no need to bump those that don't. Welcome back Booty, we missed you...really we did. Erm...well nice post.

Friends of McDougal said...

There. I am everywhere. I should send you my application letter. It involved an a/v stunt pulled in 1984.

Hillarity, goddamnit.

Seriously, I wish I'd known.

Fred said...

i can see someones "package"