Wednesday, October 26, 2005

drunk dialing is dangerous

listen to THIS nutjob!!!!


Friends of McDougal said...

No one ever calls me.

But back when they did, I found that it was always good to take up the offer of a desperately aging woman.

They want affection so bad, they'll do anything.

Then, you don't have to call them back, because they don't expect you to. This, however, won't stop them from calling you nine times a day, threatening to kill themselves if you don't return their call.

But you know that if you do call them back, you'll only make it worse.

So you tell yourself that you can't provide the kind of help they need. Maybe you call them when you know they'll be at work and leave a message that says something like, "Hey, sorry I keep missing your call. Listen, I had a great time the other night, but I really don't think this is going to work out. I'm in a really weird place right now, and from your 36 messages since Sunday, I don't think I can commit what this relationship needs. Well, listen, I gotta go. Hopefully I'll see you around some time. Like I said ... uh ... I had a really great time the other night. You're funny. Hope we can just end this on a high note and remember the fun we had. I'm still a little chafed."

Then laugh uncomfortably and hang up awkwardly, bouncing the phone a couple of times before pushing the end button.

Then change your phone number.

Wait, was I giving advice here ... or longing for something?

Why don't you guys ever call me?

Jiggs, you have a big fucking mouth.

allison said...

lol!! between McDougal and Slappy's lab partner AKA: "The 8 Inch Reamer" I can't seem to get anything done.

p.s I passed my last CLEP test I had to take this morning. Yeah me!

Booty J Patrol said...

Yeah AP! Nice work on the test. I don't know why, but I got the impression that you were in grad school.

allison said...

it's ok....everyone does. but thanks! i'm really excited. i'm finally graduating in Dec.

Melliferous Pants said...

This was so painful I had to listen to it twice.

Egan said...

Damn, that was pretty funny. I hope it was a genuine drunk dial booty call. I will be crushed if it wasn't.

allison said...

pants- i know. i sent a mass e-mail to all my friends. they said the same thing.

egan- yes its's from Craigslist "disconnections" know where people leave messages like "i saw you on the were reading the newspaper. i was the one you looked at standing by the door. i would really like to take you to lunh or dinner etc..."

This whacko just took it to a whole new level.

Spinning Girl said...

Ummm, my lawyer promised me nobody would ever hear that message.

I made my new avatar just for you. You likey?

jiggs said...

I do like it. It symbolizes the fact that you're being reborn everyday. Also it comes from that book that booty pointed out.

allison said...

that book was something else! yeah, i like it spinning girl :-)

jiggs said...

McD - I have a big mouth? Thanks!

Egan said...

Reason #667 why eBay is going down. Craigslist has this kind of shit and eBay doesn't.

Friends of McDougal said...

It's OK. We could have big mouthed children ... like bass. Or perch ... not that I want to perch on your crotch.

jiggs said...

Live fast.
Die young.
Bull rider.

Booty J Patrol said...

I hate to tell you this, but eBay owns Craigslist. eBay owns this too:

allison said...

"somebody call me baaaacckkk! I don't wannnna dieeeeeeee" *sniff sniff*

actually i think my favorite is
"i just turned 30.......ok last year, no two years ago..OK 5 yrs ago!"

word verification: Oihfu- Prince Ahkeem of Zamunda and his Queen Lisa McDowell's first born son. he enjoys bath time like his father but prefers to be bathed by his eunuchs.

Booty J Patrol said...

Coming to America -- on of Eddie Murphy's all time best.

Friends of McDougal said...

I was genuinely proud when he defended McDowell's with his mop.

However, I lost interest when he made his sideboy give the cool apartment to the landlord.

Also, I remember when James Earl Jones tried to break up my mariage too.

Those were hard times.

When did Charlie Murphy get funnier than his brother?

And what the hell happened to Eddie?

Too much money and cocaine?

Come on ... Daddy Daycare!?!?!

Jesus Fucking Christ.

I need another dose of special k.

Friends of McDougal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jiggs said...

A comment so nice, he posted it twice.

It took many years for Charlie to get funnier than Eddie. Charlie had to sit and stew while Eddie had all the fame and tata he wanted and Charlie could only get sloppy seconds.

Sloppy seconds! How could Charlie live with himself?

Friends of McDougal said...

Aww fuck.

Stupid Internet.

Egan said...

Booty, EBay owns 25% of Craigslist. So they own a portion of Craigslist, but don't own a controlling amount. So yes, technically they do own a portion, but they don't outright own Craigslist.

Thanks for bringing the EBay - Craigslist thing to my attention though.

Monkey said...

My question is: did the guy call her back?

I love these fascinating glimpses into the scary human mind. Always makes me glad that I am a simian, even if I do have a strange voice.

Friends of McDougal said...

I love you, my little furry friend.

Now why won't you call me back and talk dirty to me with your scary monkey voice?

Monkey said...

Don't tempt me.