Saturday, September 24, 2005

Just got back from West Point

Visited a friend and watched Army almost upset Iowa State. Stayed the night in a seedy motel. How seedy?

Well, besides the fact that there was no desk and we just paid a guy cash for three keys, besides the communal bathroom, besides the closet with no crossbar and five hangers lying on the floor, besides the bare white walls (except two 5x8 framed pictures next to each other in one corner), besides the VHF/UHF television set...

My room got broken into while I was at the football game. The door got kicked in, and the doorjam was completely split and broken. I couldn't even latch the door when I got back. All I had in the room were my backpack and some snacks. Nothing was stolen. My possessions were deemed beneath the interest of goons who were kicking in doors at a dive motel.

I am a graduate student.


Calzone said...

You must have shitty taste in snacks.

Friends of McDougal said...

Jiggs' snack items:

Deer Meat
Smucker's Crustless PB&J frozen sandwiches
A big ass bag of generic Cocoa Puffs
Potted Meat
Deviled Ham
Kelly's Chili (No Beans)
A flounder
Imitation Bacon Bits
Shoe Leather
Slap Leather
Hot Sauce
Juice Boxes
Those TV dinners you don't have to freeze

slappy said...

Actually, it was a cinnamon chip muffin and some Utz popcorn.

Did you know Smucker's tried to patent their Uncrustables? They tried to patent a peanut butter sandwich. That failed, so they tried to patent the design of two circles of dough pressed to form a filled pocket. The judge ruled that it was the same thing as a raviolli and that Smucker's is run by douchebags.

allison said...

slappy- why on earth did you stay there??????

I'm glad you weren't hurt! you could've been in the room when some crazed meth addict broke in and started to itch the carpets looking for crank. i watched the show called "meth in america" or something like that and it was the saddest sickest thing i've ever seen.

for future references, a room at at a Marriott courtyard or something similar is like $100.00.....split b/w 3 people so like $30 something a piece.

just an fyi

slappy said...

Well... this place was only $60/night. More importantly, it was the only game in town. The Army-Iowa State game was such a big draw that every non-dive motel in the greater West Point Metro Area was full. We almost stayed in a tent in front of my friend's place, which in retrospect would have been safer and more hygenic.

Live and learn.

Monkey said...

Slappy, the tent is a good plan for the future.

My humans and I had the misfortune to stay at one of these fine establishments you speak of... and we all ended up sleeping in the car. It was very cozy. Less bedbugs however. (I was so bummed... I love bedbugs!)

Glad you're OK.

allison said...

well.....its all over now ;-)

please tell me they gave you a new bar of soap, b/c the way you described it i'm thinking a used bar with little black hairs stuck on it.

*dry heaving*

Calzone said...

What the Hell is so terrifying about someone breaking into your motel room and itching the carpet??

And who the Fuck would steal a cinnamon chip muffin??

And where can I buy some Ambien?

Monkey said...

a used bar with little black hairs stuck on it.

I just swallowed my uvula.

allison said...

whats a uvula? sounds disgusting.

jiggs said...

uvula n.

A small, conical, fleshy mass of tissue suspended from the center of the soft palate.

Monkey said...

It's that dangly thing at the back of your throat. I think I have one too. Swallowing it is difficult, but your descriptive powers vis รก vis the bar of soap made me gag. And I swallowed it.

Please send bananas.

allison said...

thanks for the clarification. i was thinking it was something else.

Monkey said...

Err... or what Jiggs said.

eoraw: eo raw?

Monkey said...

I didn't realize it was a noun though. Good Heavens, I've been using it incorrectly all this time.

Friends of McDougal said...

Does anyone remember the skit from SNL (years and years ago -- back when it was good) where Chevy Chase was a doctor on a housecall. He told one of my favorite jokes of all time:

"Knock knock.

Who's there?

I don't know, Babs, but your uvula's on the fritz."

What? You don't like it? Well, fuck you. that shit killed 'em in Akron. Literally. They all died.


Are you guys OK?

Oh yeah -- disregard my "Jiggs' Snack Items" Should have said "Slappy's."

I get confused.

It's the pills.

Booty J Patrol said...

McDougal, I have an MP3 of that SNL skit on my iPod. I laugh every time it comes on, but lukily thus far I have not died because of it.