Admiral Snackbar

Ok. I think I finally thought of a phrase that isn't on the internet.

Enjoy my brand new phrase: Scrotisserie Chicken!

It's the combination of "scrotum" and "rotisserie chicken!" Obviously, scrotisserie chicken is a euphemism for the man junk area both because the penis is a rod and it's also a cock. I.e. A rotisserie and a chicken.

I got married.

The few of you that were wondering whatever happened to me now know the answer: I got married. And being married and having a real job makes it darn near impossible for me to blog.

And in case you're wondering if this is another one of my elaborate ruses, enjoy the following picture of my wife and I after the ceremony. We are positively glowing:

Blogging is so retro!

These days, people don't blog anymore. Sites like facebook and twitter have made it so much easier to share your thoughts with your friends that blogging seems antiquated.

In fact, I went to the trouble of joining those sites just to see what all the fuss was about, and I quickly realized something: Facebook and twitter are totally fucking stupid!

On facebook and twitter, people feel free to tell you every trivial and/or moronic thought that sprints through their feeble minds. It just makes me want to tell the whole world to "shut the hell up!"

I long for the days when people blogged and at least tried to be thoughtful. You know, the good old days...

Blinded by the light...

Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night....

What was Manfred Mann's Earth Band implying here? is lead singer Chris Thompson referencing crapping his pants in his sleep?

Another fun fact... this was a cover of Bruce Springsteen's first single, which didn't garner much success. The Boss's original lyric was "And she was blinded by the light/Cut loose like a deuce another runner in the night/blinded by the light/She got down but she never got tight, but she'll make it alright", which again seems to imply some form of night-pooping...but perhaps with bouts of constipation on the road to empty bowels?

It's a rich tapestry, music.

The downfall of this blog...

makes me really sad, even though I'm partially to blame. Where else will people go to read stupid jokes? Like parodied-real-movie-name porno titles?

In other news, I was recently inspired to peruse the internet and see if anyone actually made 'Buttplugs at Tiffany's' or 'The Curious Case of Benjamin's Butthole'

I have been scooped again

Once again, I thought I had invented a new word. This time it was the word "smegmalomaniac" which is a hilarious combination of "smegma" and "megalomaniac", obviously meaning one who is obsessed with their own smegma. However, as is always the case, some other moron with internet access had already made up the word.

Thanks a lot internet. You suck.

Friction between water molecules killed the cat

The difference between a child and a cat: when a child is being naughty, you can't put it in the microwave.