Oscar Mayer dead: body ground up and put into hot dogs

What's a better word for a strange penis-vagina hybrid: vageenis or penginas?

Taiwanese Girls Successful Story

Tasty and I watched the first 3 minutes of a terrible east Asian soap opera (the stupidly named "Taiwanese girl successful story.") Then btown suggested that renowned chef Bobby flay should make a guest appearance. If Bobby flay were to make such an appearance, I'd bet that he'd make that Taiwanese woman's vagina a pallet for his bold semen.

Good News... Bad News

The good news is that I got a job a few weeks ago. The bad news is that I have no free time anymore to sit around and blog and play video games. Honestly, it kind of sucks.

So updates to the blog will be infrequent, but I'll still think about you... when I masturbate.

Another TV appearance.

Booty managed to score us some sweet tix to Conan's first tonight show!!!! Jiggs and I, being as ever-demanding of TV coverage by the sheer power of our presence, were once again awesomely visible... thanks in part to the foam Conan hair we scored that one time we saw him in San Francisco:


Booty is in another shot, but I haven't had time to photoshop a ski-mask onto his face yet.

As soon as NBC provides an HD downloadable version through their new beta 'NBC direct' dealio, I'll try and get some more high-res shots.

Openings are being filled

This is a picture from the "massage therapy" place down the street from my place. Notice that in one window, they have three "open" signs (and they have a fourth in the adjacent window which you can sort of see the reflection of).

This "massage therapy" place always has those thick curtains up, so you can never see inside. Additionally, they have a peephole in their opaque wooden door. And usually if you're walking by, and the door opens for a "client", the person opening the door stands behind it so you don't see them. Except for this one time, when I saw an Asian chick with a nightie on.

Anyway, what I don't understand is why a massage parlor feels the need to advertise its openness with such redundancy. I get it: You're open and you provide oily handjobs. You don't need to be so aggressive about it, though.

We kicked its ass!!!

The washer-dryer unit in our place was rattling... and we totally fucking fixed it! Take that you son of a bitch dryer! We kicked your ass! Your exhaust fan ain't never gonna spin free no more!

In case you're counting, this is the second time we fixed the shit out of the same washer-dryer unit. The first time, the motor for the wash basin broke, and we ordered a new one from kenmore and installed it ourselves.

The 1919s: 2; Washer-Dryer unit: 0

BOOM!

Pure liquid evil

I have started using pepto bismol whenever I suffer from the symptoms associated with pepto bismol. However, there is a frightening, but completely safe side effect associated with taking the stuff. Namely, that it turns your excrement black as night. And once, upon continuing to experience diarrhea after taking some pepto, it was as if I spewed out pure liquid evil. It was blacker than the heart of Satan, and certainly was crude, but it was not oil. What I'm saying is that it makes my doodies black.